Ask Amy

[jwgh]

The Chicago Tribune has a column called Ask Amy. (Some of the column gets reprinted in the Providence Journal, which is how I became aware of it.) One of the questions in the current column caught my eye:

Dear Amy: My ex-boyfriend from a few years ago just got married.

I am still in love with him and have tried to get his attention in every way I know. I call him at work so that we can talk privately, and I send him gifts for his birthday and at Christmas.

I think I would be happy to just be friends with him, if I could just find out if he still cares about me.

Our relationship ended because I cheated on him for the guy I dated before that. I desperately need him to know that I would be willing to get back with him if he's willing to leave his wife. How can I get his attention?

-- Wondering

I won't bother you with the answer, which is about what you would expect, but perhaps you all can come up with some good answers of your own. (Putting on my bad advice hat, I would recommend that she cut off her ear and send it to him. It can't hurt, right? I mean, apart from physically, obviously.)

Now here's a kind of a dull question, but Amy's answer is pretty awesome:

Dear Amy: My son is having a difficult time, and I would like your advice on how to best help him.

He has been dating his girlfriend since the first week of his freshman year in college. Now they are seniors. This summer, his girlfriend decided that she wanted to "take a break" and remain friends but see other people. My son really didn't want to break up, but he had no choice. After college, he is going on to post-graduate studies, so there is no question of marriage in the immediate future, but I think that he really loves her.

The first week of school this year, she showed up at a party at my son's fraternity with another guy, barely saying hello to my son. He was crushed. He didn't see this as hurtful behavior until I said, "If you had broken up with her, would you show up at her sorority with another girl and just ignore her?"

He is trying to steer clear of her for a while until he feels stronger, but she keeps saying that she wants to be friends with him.

I'm encouraging him to keep busy, see other girls (which is the last thing he wants to do), exercise and get plenty of sleep. He is very bright and handsome; I keep telling him that he will have lots of girlfriends, but right now he is in a lot of pain. How can I help him?

-- Concerned Mom

Dear Mom: You've done all of the right things for your son. Now you need to step back a bit and let his fraternity brothers take over.

Your son has been with his girlfriend for such a long time that he might be unmoored without her. Your advice to exercise and get plenty of sleep is good. Writing down some of his thoughts will help too. So might yelling the lyrics to a Green Day song at the top of his lungs, or repeated viewings of the classic young man's breakup movie, "High Fidelity." (Almost any movie starring John Cusack will serve this purpose.)

Your son needs to navigate his way beyond the hurt and figure out how to get angry with his feckless girlfriend. He could start by informing her that her "let's be friends" scheme is on permanent hold.

I hope that he has some male friends with whom he can express some guy solidarity. Your son isn't ready for another girlfriend, so instead of dating, you should encourage him to plunge into clubs, teams and experiences with other young men.

Guys who are your son's age and stage could add some real-life support to the wise perspective that you already offer. If you sense that he is depressed, his college health service could recommend a campus counselor for him.

The first two sentences of Amy's response alone are pretty remarkably great, but the John Cusack recommendation pushes it over the edge to immortality.

Comments

[palecur.livejournal.com]

Grosse Point Blank > High Fidelity, but then I hated High Fidelity. It wasn't as godawful as Gosford Park, but it was pretty close. ronebofh loved it, though.

[jwgh]

How about 'Say Anything'? It couldn't hurt for the dude to learn a little kickboxing.

[cgoldfish.livejournal.com]

dude totally needs to learn the sport of the future. that's all i'm sayin'.

[urbeatle.livejournal.com]

rollerball?

[cgoldfish.livejournal.com]

are there any other options?

[urbeatle.livejournal.com]

well... moopsball

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

How can you possibly hate High Fidelity? What is WRONG with you?

[palecur.livejournal.com]

I hated High Fidelity because John Cusack's character was an insufferable loser and he didn't deserve to have anything good happen to him, ever. I wanted to see him crushed under a bus. I turned the movie off the minute it became inescapably clear that he was the protagonist.

Oh, and Jack Black was in it.

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Cusack's character is not THAT bad. Look, his grilf clearly isn't the kind of chick that would let some idiot walk all over her. He's a nice guy, he just needs to get a clue. And he does! It's all good.

And, really, nothing wrong with small doses of Jack Black. It takes a perfectly designed vehicle (like "School of Rock") to allow me to take a lot of Jack Black.

[rimrunner.livejournal.com]

I like Ask Amy almost as much as Tell Me About It by Carolyn Hax (runs in the Washington Post, as does Ask Amy).

Hax gets extra bonus points for cross-referrals to Dan Savage. (Her column's PG-rated, however.)

[schwa242.livejournal.com]

I won't bother you with the answer, which is about what you would expect, but perhaps you all can come up with some good answers of your own. (Putting on my bad advice hat, I would recommend that she cut off her ear and send it to him. It can't hurt, right? I mean, apart from physically, obviously.)

"See if he screams when you sneak into his home to brush the hair out of his face as he sleeps. If he leaves his wife right then and there, it was meant to be."

[christychristy.livejournal.com]

Take a lesson from the Klan. Fire gets people's attention. Write "Like Me" on his lawn in Kerosene or alternate flamable substance. Ideally under cover of darkness when he is at home. Set it ablaze. He will notice.

[jwgh]

Don't forget to sign your name or else he might not be sure who it's from!

[christychristy.livejournal.com]

So true. How disappointing would that be!

Wondering

[vardissakheli.livejournal.com]

should surprise her boyfriend on his way out the door to work in the morning and plant a huge kiss on him, then drag him to her car to carpool--especially if his wife knows she works in a totally different part of town, so the carpool is completely impractical. Every day, until his wife leaves him.

Your son isn't ready for another girlfriend, so instead of dating, you should encourage him to plunge into clubs, teams and experiences with other young men.

I mean, how else is he going to learn how to behave as a gay man?

[nerdsholmferret.livejournal.com]

Is "Better Off Dead" a good recommendation for this guy?

[ikkyu2.livejournal.com]

Bitches, man.

I gotta blow.