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[personal profile] jwgh
This particular brand of joke seems to have been invented by Ranjit Bhatnagar.

Here are the ones I came up with. Write your own!

Yo' god so false, he can't even create a rock he can lift!

Yo' god so false, his worshippers go to Atlantic City when they die!

Yo' god so false, his first commandment is, "Thou shalt have no other gods before me, unless you really feel like it,", his second commandment is, "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, but painted velvet is O.K.", and his tenth commandment is, "Verily, this commandment stuff is thirsty work. Go and get your deity a beer, OK?"

Yo' god so false, his pope drive around in a Yugo!

Yo' god so false, when he commands the seas to part he hafta say "please"!

Yo' god so false, when people pray to be healed, he give 'em two aspirin and tell 'em to call him in the morning!

Yo' god so false, he need some matches and a tape recorder to speak from a burning bush!

Yo' god so false, people be leavin' his church in droves as the secularization of society increases following the industrial revolution!

Yo' god so false, he have trouble parting someone's hair!

Yo' god so false, he think 'omniscient' means what that magazine smell like!

Yo' god so false, people rather worship a golden calf!

Here are the ones Ranjit wrote:

Yo' god so false, when you pray, you get a busy signal!

Yo' god so false, Pascal be wagerin' AGAINST him!

Yo' diety so low, he need a stool to pray to himself!

Eb Oesch wrote a few also:
Yo' god so false, when you die, you see a bright light that say "Under construction!"

Yo' god so weak, he appear in a vision and say, "You want fries with that?"

Yo' god so sick, he turn water into Thunderbird!

Yo' scriptures is a pop-up book!

Date: 2005-11-01 03:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sanspoof.livejournal.com
Oh the brilliance. THE BRILLIANCE!

Date: 2005-11-01 03:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] donutgirl.livejournal.com
Yo' god so sick, he turn water into Thunderbird!

*snarf*

Date: 2005-11-01 05:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pootrootbeer.livejournal.com
Yo' god so false, his idea of a crusade is takin' yo' weed-whacker back from the neighbor's yard!

Yo' god so false, his plague of locusts turn' out to be two roaches an' a ladybug!

Yo' god so false, not even 'Tom' be his MySpace friend!

Date: 2005-11-01 07:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pootrootbeer.livejournal.com
Yo' house of worship is so wack, your 'stained glass' turns clear when it rains!

Yo' go so false, your rosary only has one bead on it, and it's made of elbow macaroni!

Yo' god so ghetto, he transsubstantiate his body out of Pop Tarts and grape Kool-Aid!

Date: 2005-11-01 06:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kattullus.livejournal.com
those were fabulous!

would you mind if I post yours in my journal?

Date: 2005-11-01 09:57 pm (UTC)

Date: 2005-11-01 09:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vardissakheli.livejournal.com
Yo' god so false, his feet o' clay got toes o' sand.
Yo' god so false, David Bowie can't even make his hymn sound good.
Yo' god so false, yo' cain't tell if his head be a vulture o' a lion.
Yo' god so false, a mo'hill wun't even go to HIS prophet.

Date: 2005-11-01 10:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cpr94.livejournal.com
Yo' god so false, all those fossils was just the animals he fucked up.
Yo' god so false, he can't even walk under water.
Yo' god so false, his manna taste like cheap-ass malt liquor.


Date: 2005-11-02 01:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cpr94.livejournal.com
Yo' god so false, he ain't even the alpha.
Yo' god so false, his Seventh Seal say "Condemned".
Yo' god so false, he performed the Miracle o' the Ho's an' the Bitches.

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Jacob Haller

June 2024

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