Lyrics meme

[jwgh]

urbeatle came up with a variation on a meme that's going around:

1. Comment here and I'll pick one of your LJ interests and write lyrics, in a style of my choosing.
2. You have no say in what I write for you, or the quality thereof.
3. Put this in your journal along with the lyrics written for you (or something similarly artistic or crafty; the original meme called for sketches instead of songwriting).

And there you have it.

Comments

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Yes.

Scorched Earth Party theme

[jwgh]

Now here's an obvious choice. I think this is a sort of march/campaign song.

Scorched Earth Party (for rone)

When the folks you meet annoy you,
And the world seems too complex,
And that guy in the next car pushes you a bit too far,
It's the time for the party of violence and sex

And when the obstacles confront you,
And some stupid moron gets in! your! way!
And your worthless coworkers are as dumb! as! rocks!
Grab a big! lead! pipe! and make them all pay!

And join the Scorched! Earth! Party!
Join the one percent with the big lead pipes!
Yes, join the Scorched! Earth! Party!
Make your enemies pay for being asswipes!

[TROMBONE SOLO]

When we march our way down Main Street, U.S.A.
Our opponent's names will be turned! to! mud!
And when Chairman Vogel ascends to the throne
All the streets will run red with Fruitopia and blood!

So join the Scorched! Earth! Party!
We who promise to bludgeon Paulie Shore!
'Cause in the Scorched! Earth! Party!
We'll make the world safe for the next world war!

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

You know, this has to be sent along to Herren Vogel und Johnson. SCHNELL!

[jwgh]

Fine with me! There's a chance I might record it at some point, but trying to do so right now would probably not greatly endear me to my upstairs and downstairs neighbors.

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Clearly they need to be mollified with PIPES of LEAD.

[sanspoof.livejournal.com]

IWPTA 'modified.'

[doctroid.livejournal.com]

Likewise.

The Nomic Song

[jwgh]

I think I probably got more pleasure out of writing this than anyone will out of reading it. Similarly, it would probably be more fun to record than to listen to.

The Nomic Song (for Doctroid)

This song's a song in the key of C.
In the key of C it is.
Yes, this sing's key is the key of C.
Unless someone introduces change...es.

[random chord change]

And this song's rhyme scheme is ABAB.
That's how I made it rhyme.
Yes, ABAB's the way the rhymes must be,
Unless it's different next time.

And this song's time key is in 4/4
That's what it is, no less and no more
So listen to me, that's the way it be,
Unless something else's in store.

[song becomes a waltz, because I am too wimpy to try anything more complicated]

And this song is a vocal song
Though maybe it won't be for long
In fact, just you wait, I confidently state
That this statement will soon be wrong.

[Song halts in a dischordant mess. Pause, then faintly spoken:]

I win!

Re: The Nomic Song

[doctroid.livejournal.com]

Tres amusement! I see what you mean about writing / reading / recording / listening...

[boutell.livejournal.com]

Your mission, you having chosen to accept it.

Programming Prose

[jwgh]

For some reason it was easier to tackle two interests at once than one alone.

Programming Prose (for boutell)

I've never been much of a writer
I've never quite had the knack
So when I went to college to increase my knowledge
I gave computer science a whack

And now I've got my big diploma
With my insight I cut through the murk
When it comes to A.I. I'm really the right guy
To take an idea and make it all work ...

Now my program's become quite a writer
More quotable than Shakespeare or even Mark Twain
Makes you laugh more than Thurber, more dramatic than Goethe
And the twists in its plots would make Dame Christie faint

But now there are copyright questions
For the sales of its books has surpassed Stephen King's.
And the royalties come to much more than a crumb,
So who gets all the money's the thing.

So I wrote a programmable lawyer
Who considered the question of judgement in rem
And in due course we payed out the judgement it made
So now all of the money goes to I.B.M.

[restartsmyheart.livejournal.com]

sure

[jwgh]

This should be a challenge!

Life Expectancy

[jwgh]

Boy, this didn't bring out my morbid streak at all.

Life Expectancy (for restartmyheart)

I've known you since about first grade
And we've always been good friends
But I think I've gotta call it quits
I'm afraid this is the end

Yeah, I should pull myself together
I should try to make this work
But every time I'm around you
I always end up feeling like a jerk

I feel my life expectancy dropping
You're taking years away from my life
I get two years closer to dying
Every year you're in my life

Maybe there have been some good times
We've had some laughs I know
But we're poison to each other
I'm afraid I have to go

Yeah, I should pull myself together
Tomorrow I'll feel regret
But every time I'm around you
You make me wish that I was dead

I feel my life expectancy dropping
You're taking years away from my life
I get two years closer to dying
Every year you're in my life

[sanspoof.livejournal.com]

Ha!

[jwgh]

You know, I was kind of hoping you would get in on this for exactly that reason.

[sanspoof.livejournal.com]

Yay!
Also, today's dinosaur comic totally needs recording. As a completely different song than the original.

[sanspoof.livejournal.com]

(Clarification: This one.)

Interests Are For Jerks

[jwgh]

Interests Are For Jerks (for sanspoof)

Some people like comics, and others, they like cats
Other folks have children, they sure love those dumb brats
Some like to look at movies or stare at the TV
But none of that stuff holds too much appeal for me

'Cause interests are stupid, interests are dumb
Interests are for people whose brains have all gone numb
You might try to catch my eye
but that will never work
'cause interests are
for jerks

You might enjoy music or poetry or rap
But as for me, I'd just as soon be taking a nice nap
Not that sleeping's that great, but it's something to do
And it saves me the trouble of dealing with you

'Cause interests are stupid, interests are crap
They're for all those who just can't find their asses with a map
And you might try to catch my eye
but that will never work
'cause interests are for losers
They're for nincompoops and duds
Yes, interests are
for jerks

[paperclippy.livejournal.com]

Sounds exciting!

Ever True

[jwgh]

I gave it my best shot, but I don't think this is one of my better efforts. Oh well.

Ever True (for paperclippy)

We are ever true to Odin
For we love the great Aesir
And when Ragnarok does come
Old Vidar will beat Fenrir
And the people always say (what do they say?)
That you can't outshine
Mjollner (or Odin's eye!)
With their RAH! RAH! RAH!
And their KI! YI! YI!
And their A E S I . . . R!

Oh, Batman

[jwgh]

OK, I think this works better.

Oh, Batman (for paperclippy)

Oh, Batman, we call thee with loving devotion
And shine to the heavens your symbol of wings
Our hearts swell within us with fearful emotion
As the name of Batman in loud chorus we sing
The scariest moments of crime's fleeing victims
Have passed in the confines of Old Gotham's bounds
But the criminals triumph, as transient as showers,
You have quite o'erthrown in a way which astounds.

[margo-virago.livejournal.com]

I have no idea what is going on, but okay.

Pickle Postcards

[jwgh]

I don't know either, but I probably owe Arlo Guthrie royalties.

Pickle Postcards (for margo_virago)

I remember eating in Duluth
The best pickle of my youth
I think it was a dill

And in Memphis you can find
an okra pickle that's divine
I can taste it still

So I'm travelling the country, looking at the pickles
Going down the highways on my motorcycle
And I gotta keep on driving 'til I've seen every last brining
Facility
And I wish that you were near
But I know you can't be here
So I'm sending you a pickle postcard

In Detroit I went up to
The fifteen foot pickle statue
That's on the reverse

And it's seeing things like this
That make me feel the luckiest
Guy in the big bad world

So I'm travelling the country, looking at the pickles
Going down the highways on my motorcycle
And I gotta keep on driving 'til I've seen every last brining
Factory
And I wish that you were near
But I know you can't be here
So I'm sending you a pickle postcard

Re: Pickle Postcards

[margo-virago.livejournal.com]

ba ha ha ha ha ha....that is awesome!

[saucypunk.livejournal.com]

i could go for a song!

Avocados and Beer

[jwgh]

Here's a little country music tune to get you through the blizzard.

Avocados and Beer (for saucypunk)

It's been a day and a half since you left me
And I've tried to make sense of it all
I didn't know you were unhappy,
I never saw we were headed for a fall
When I enter the empty apartment you left,
Well you know that it's lonely, my dear.
And I open the fridge just to see what's still there
To only find avocados and beer.

I know that I'm sometimes hard to get along with
But I didn't know I was that bad
And if I was insensitive, I'm sorry
'Cause you're the best thing I ever had
I should have listened to all you were saying
I understand why you had to leave here
It was still quite a shock to come home home this evening
To only find avocados and beer.

Avocados and beer!
All alone in the fridge, it's what's left of the life that we made
Avocados and beer!
I thought we'd never part, but now all of my dreams are betrayed
Avocados and beer!
I thought we were a great pair
But you've left now, and now I'm aware
We're not like beans and cornbread, I've afraid that instead
We go together like avocados and beer

Now I know that I drink maybe more than I should
My beer belly's gotten quite a few stares
But I always tried to get you whatever you wanted
That's why I bought those alligator pears
And I thought that together we'd make it at last
We'd conquer together our fears
But all of my hopes have transformed into pain
I've just got avocados and beer

Avocados and beer!
All alone in the fridge, it's what's left of the life that we made
Avocados and beer!
I thought we'd never part, but now all of my dreams are betrayed
Avocados and beer!
I thought we were a great pair
But you've left now, and now I'm aware
We're not like peas in a pod, we're like hotcakes and salt cod
We go together like avocados and beer

[penelope-arcade.livejournal.com]

oh oh me! please pick "molesting yarn", no one else has that interest

Molesting Yarn

[jwgh]

This was easier than I expected.

Molesting Yarn (for penelope_arcade)

I walked into a yarn store, happy as I could be
I walked into a yarn store, happy as I could be
Then the next thing you know, yarn store owner's shaking me

Now they got me arrested, charge of molesting yarn
Now they got me arrested, charge of molesting yarn
Now maybe I touched some but I sure didn't mean no harm

Now before you accuse me, take a look at yourself
Before you accuse me, take a look at yourself
Keeping all of this pretty yarn captive on that dusty shelf

Yeah, the judge sentenced me, ten years in that Cranston pen
Yeah, the judge sentenced me, ten years in that Cranston pen
Would have been twenty-nine but that yarn was just Lion Brand